This is the manifesto, the real heart of the concept. It's based on an actual merchant services application form (as is the preceding application), but my terms have been modified to reflect what I feel is a human perspective.
Once again copy and paste, add a photo and your name to the header, and address etc. to a footer in your favourite word processor. Change anything you like to suit yourself.
Merlin
--- cut cut cut ---
TERMS AND CONDITIONS
of the Exploitation Retainer Services Application
1. Description of Service.
Your Name Here is an actual corporal person who has feelings, and physical and spiritual needs, with a tangible relationship to the Earth and the Cosmos. Using this service, the Institution acknowledges it too has through its principles, a similar tangible relationship. On this basis the Institution acquires consent to include Your Name Here in its activities directly from Your Name Here. Subject to the Exploitation Retainer Plan selected, the Institution will be able to continue to carry on business as usual while including Your Name Here, and continuing to recognize aforesaid relationships.
The exploitation retainer program incorporates recourse for Your Name Here, and ensures he will be able to afford the products, services or programs offered by the Institution. A "Transaction" is initiated each time the Institution causes Your Name Here to respond as a Consumer, whether it is through exposure to direct or indirect, overt or subliminal forms of persuasion, influence or other effect which directly or indirectly, overtly or subliminally causes a need or reaction of any kind. Essentially the relationship between the Institution and Your Name Here is one of symbiosis, where the Institution agrees that without Citizens the Institution would not only lack context, but would have no purpose, making Your Name Here and all actual living, corporal beings of penultimate importance in the big picture, even above the Institution itself.
The Institution agrees to enter into a relationship whereby the Institution is able to include Your Name Here as an independent contractor whose function is to walk the planet and function normally, while the Institution exists to ensure his safety, comfort, and fulfillment as implied by the word Progress, as commonly used by the Institution and others like it in the context of improving conditions for all human beings.
2. Definitions.
Citizen - means any person living on the planet, who has been identified as a potential market or demographic specific to the plans of exploitation by the Institution because the approval of the Citizen was presupposed and based on an assumption on the part of the Institution. In this case the word Citizen refers to Your Name Here, a human being recognized as such under international law as determined by the United Nations and in all World jurisdictions where the abstract of statecraft recognizes human beings with a non-degrading, respectful characterization.
Exploitation Billing System – means Your Name Here’s billing system and database that enables the processing of Transactions and electronic deposit of currency into his account.
Exploitation Retainer Plan - means the specific service option(s) as selected by the Institution.
Transaction – means the sale of merchandise or services by the Institution initiated by use of advertising or persuasion in any form, or activities of the Institution which will automatically include the Citizen in its plans, however infinitesimal or trivial that role may seem to be to the Institution.
Institution Accounts - means limited exploitation opportunity provided to Institutions by Citizens or other entities enabling Institutions to enter into relationships of symbiosis with Citizens.
Institution - means the business entity which is developing, promoting and selling products or services that requires a vast number of Citizens to succeed in its objects or goals.
3. Settlement. The amount to be paid to Your Name Here will be determined on the 1st of each month for each monthly period, payable within 14 days via EFT. Your Name Here will deliver his monthly bill to Institutions as promptly before this date as is practical. The payment due from the Institution is equal to the sum of all Citizen Charges for Approved Services, which have been delivered within the specified time period, LESS net holdback amounts, LESS the sum of all Citizen Charges denied, refused, or charged back by the credit card association or bank during the period, LESS all refunds processed on account of Citizen Charges during the period LESS the amounts and fees belonging to Your Name Here, LESS all taxes, penalties, charges and other items reimbursable or payable to Your Name Here under this Agreement, or otherwise occurring during the period.
Your Name Here shall have the right, in his sole discretion, to adjust the amount payable upon termination or cancellation of this Agreement, as security against future Charge Backs after notification to the Institution. For greater certainty, the parties hereto acknowledge and agree that in the event either party terminates this Agreement, Your Name Here shall be entitled to twelve months of payments from the Institution, in the discretion of Your Name Here, for purposes of dealing with or otherwise satisfying any Charge Backs, credits or other monies owing to Your Name Here which might arise during aforesaid period.
Should the amount of any and all deductions as referred to above exceed the sum of all Citizen charges for Approved Services, which have been supplied in good faith within the specified time period, the Institution agrees to forthwith pay to Your Name Here any such excess.
4. Chargebacks. The Institution will be responsible for any chargebacks incurred while utilizing Your Name Here’s Exploitation Retainer Services. The Institution will use its best efforts to prevent transactions that could be in error, including duplicate transactions and fraudulent or mischievous transactions. A transaction recovery fee will apply for each clear-copy / chargeback request that Your Name Here must manually recover, document and forward to the Institution.
5. Electronic Data Storage and Retrieval. Your Name Here will retain electronically in his database a record of all payments received from the Institution for a period of time deemed necessary by Your Name Here. Any discrepancies between the Citizen’s Exploitation Transactions and the Institution’s Transaction Data shall be resolved by Your Name Here reviewing the Institution’s transaction record, or by inquiry to the Institution’s bank.
6. Foreign Exchange Transactions. Currency conversions will be completed at a retail foreign exchange rate determined by Your Name Here. The exchange rate that applies to your currency conversion will be displayed on your statement.
7. Fees. The Institution will pay to Your Name Here a minimum monthly transaction processing fee and other fees for services as set forth in the Exploitation Retainer Service Application Form. These fees provide the Institution with access to Your Name Here as a Citizen and will be billed to the Institution monthly, and paid from the Institution account maintained with Your Name Here. Fees may be variable in amount.
The Institution authorizes Your Name Here to debit the Institution account for fees payable to Your Name Here on an ongoing basis for as long as the service is being provided. The Institution acknowledges that delivery of this authorization to Your Name Here constitutes delivery to the branch of the financial institution at which the Your Name Here maintains an account and that such financial institution is not required to verify that the payment(s) are drawn in accordance with this authorization. The Institution will notify Your Name Here in writing of any changes in the account information or e-mail information prior to the next payment date.
8. Transaction Limits. Your Name Here reserves the right to impose limits on exploitation in his sole discretion and to refuse specific exploitations for any reason. Specifically, Your Name Here may limit or restrict exploitation to a minimum or maximum at his sole discretion, impose limits on the amount or number of exploitations which he may be expected to honor during any time period, or refuse to accept obligation and exploitation from Institutions with a prior history of questionable integrity. Your Name Here may impose transaction limits on obligations and exploitations temporarily or permanently, which are more restrictive than those placed on other Citzens in order to reduce Your Name Here’s reasonable apprehension of risk of loss under varying circumstances. Your Name Here is in no way responsible for any losses sustained by the Institution, including claims for lost profits, on account of the imposition of transaction limits for any reason.
9. Taxes. Each party agrees to report and pay its own taxes imposed on its income by any jurisdiction such as federal, provincial and state income taxes. Should Your Name Here be required to pay any such taxes on the income of Institution, the amount of such taxes and all related interest, fines, or penalties shall become immediately due and payable to Your Name Here.
The parties agree that taxes in the nature of an excise, sales or use tax may not currently be imposed on the transactions contemplated under this Agreement. The parties agree that if such taxes are imposed, the burden of such taxes shall be the Institution’s responsibility. Your Name Here shall have the right to collect and pay over taxes in the nature of customs duties, excise, sales or use tax on behalf of Institution or on account of its own sales of approved products if reasonably required to do so by a taxing authority of competent jurisdiction and shall further have the right to recover from the Institution the amount of any such taxes and related penalties and interest which are paid by Your Name Here with his own funds.
10. Security Review. The Institution hereby authorizes Your Name Here, or a party designated by Your Name Here to conduct an external security review or audit at any time without notification to ensure compliance with appropriate rules of conduct. In order to remain in good standing, the security review must pass all compliance requirements on an ongoing basis. Non-compliance shall be an event of default under terms of this Agreement, and subject to penalties.
11. Limitation of Liability. In no event will Your Name Here, or his respective directors, officers, employees or agents be liable for any incidental, direct, indirect, special or consequential damages (including without limitation, damages for personal injury, loss of profits or sales, business interruption, loss of business information, data loss or any other pecuniary loss) in connection with or arising out of this contract, whether caused by circumstances beyond his control (including without limitation, computer, utility or remuneration breakdown), or otherwise. Except as expressly provided herein, there are no warranties, express or implied, by operation of law or otherwise, for any services furnished hereunder. Your Name Here disclaims any and all implied warranties including the warranties of abstract Institutionability and fitness for a particular activity.
Your Name Here has not assumed, or authorized anyone else to assume on his behalf, any other liabilities. In all situations involving performance or non-performance of the Exploitation Retainer System, the Institution’s sole remedy is the adjustment or repair of such anomalies to Your Name Here.
Your Name Here shall not be responsible for any delay in performance when and to the extent that such is caused in whole or in part, but without limitation, by any one or more of the following: computer, utility or communication breakdown, fire, flood, earthquake, strike, material shortage, lockout, war, revolution, riot, insurrection, or force majeure. Your Name Here shall not be liable for damages, loss of data, delays, errors or failure of performance occurring directly or indirectly by reasons of the above or similar events or occurrences.
No legal action, regardless of form, arising out of, or under this contract, or any matters or transactions there under, may be brought against Your Name Here by the Institution.
12. Contract Amendment. The terms of this contract with respect to Exploitation Retainer charges only may be amended unilaterally by Your Name Here upon thirty (30) days advance written notice to the Institution, or in the case of an increase in charges, upon forty-five (45) days advance written notice to the Institution. In the event the Institution is notified of an amendment, the Institution has no option of terminating this contract unless upon written notice from Your Name Here, provided that such notice is received from Your Name Here prior to the effective date of the amendment.
13. Contract Termination. This proposed contract may not be terminated by the Institution for any reason. Your Name Here may terminate this contract for any reason upon 90 days advance written notice to the Institution. Notwithstanding the above notice requirements, Your Name Here reserves the right to terminate part or all of this agreement immediately and without notice at any time the Institution breaches any part of this agreement, or for just cause as determined by Your Name Here.
14. An excerpt from Cicero’s de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum. “Neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit, sed quia non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam, nisi ut aliquid ex ea commodi consequatur? Quis autem vel eum iure reprehenderit qui in ea voluptate velit esse quam nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum qui dolorem eum fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur?”
“Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?”
15. Default. In the event Institution defaults under any provision or fails to perform pursuant to this agreement, Your Name Here shall be entitled to damages, costs and attorney's fees (on an attorney and client basis) from the Institution.
16. Invalid or Non-enforceable Provisions. The invalidity or non-enforceability of any provision of this agreement, as so determined by a court of competent jurisdiction, shall not affect the other provisions hereof, and in any such occasion this agreement shall be construed in all respects as if such invalid or non-enforceable provision were omitted.
17. Controlling Law. This contract, and all provisions contained herein, shall be interpreted in accordance with international law as determined by the United Nations.
18. Entire agreement. This contract, combined with the accompanying and related Exploitation Retainer Services Agreement(s) and schedules constitute the entire agreement between the parties and shall supersede any and all prior and contemporaneous promises, representations and agreements, if any, made by one party to the other concerning the subject matter of the contract. This contract may not be released, discharged, supplemented, amended or modified in any manner except by an instrument in writing signed by Your Name Here or duly authorized representatives of Your Name Here.
19. Language. The parties hereby acknowledge that they have required this agreement and all related documents to be drawn up in the English language.
I (we) have read, understood and agree to abide by these Terms & Conditions.
Institution Name __________________________________________________________
Signature _________________________________________________________
Name (please print) ________________________________________________
Position ____________________________________________________
Date ___________________________
